dudee did you hear about the new fear factor now its called "fuck factor" ok ok here's how it goes down

FIRST CHALLENGE:

you gotta chop off your partners arms with a CHAINSAW! and eat off seven fingers and after you ate off seven fingers you gotta make yourself puke the seven fingers and re-attach them then you gotta rip their guts out and eat the small intestines (which is actually pretty good with toast) then replace the small intestine with a moose shit then you gotta eat fourteen laxatives and be locked in a room with nothing but rotting copses for three weeks, but while completing this whole mission singing "My Heart Will Go On" to the tune of Row Row Row your boat.

SECOND CHALLENGE:

CONGRADULATIONS! you're not dead! (yet) for this challenge you gotta juggle 3,687 sharp knives and daggers for 5 weeks in a pit of hot lava while an HIV positive man who hasnt showered for 4 months cuts little wounds into you and infests them with maggots and fleas, then cleans your bloody throbbing wounds with bleach and then the HIV positive man has to rape you in the ass with a seventy three foot pole and you gotta pull the whole pole out through your mouth, the entire time singing "Wisconsen Death Trip," to the tune of Row Row Row your boat

THIRD CHALLENGE:

you gotta have sex with Rosie O'Donnell for two minutes (and not fall or get trapped in, if ya know what I mean) but you have to sing "Fat Bottom Girls" to the tune of Row Row Row your boat.

FOURTH CHALLENGE:

last challenge! (but compared to the last one, this one is gonna be so easy) for this one you gotta drink two bowls of toxic waste while slicing off little sections of your eyeballs with barbed wire. Then you gotta saw your head open with a (guess what i'm about to say) CHAINSAW!!!! then rip out your brain and blow your nose in it then dissect a dead cat and eat its anus. After that, you have to act emo and hang yourself from a tree on a cliff then jump off the cliff and fart the alphabet, and then (if your not dead) cut the rope, fall from the cliff and land in a bed of spikes. During this challenge you gotta sing "Barbie Girl" to the tune of.... oh fuck whats that song called? The one with the boat, and you row it?

yep this is about my fat cousin. Well shes not actually my cousin... shes my SECOND cousin. I will now describe in every fat detail of her life. Okay first of all this bitch HAS been institutionalized like me, but not as long as me, so don't even ask. Her name is Pauline, but we just call her fat second cousin Pauline for short. This chick will just ask for Mcdonalds every five minutes. I have nothing against fat people, but Pauline pisses me off so much and I think it annoys me more that she could stand to lose a couple thousand pounds. Seriously, she could beat Rosie O'Donnell and Kamala in an eating contest. She just EATS AND EATS me and my sister couldnt believe it and my brother had to feed her I felt so bad for him. So the other day Pauline was at my house. After feeding her, she was like "Missy take me to McDonalds" and I told her no because I can't drive because of um... some problems and shes my age even though she would wreck my dads car by sitting in it. also, she doesnt need to fucking eat. and then Pauline said "your a bitch" so i said "sticks and stones fat ass" because really her parents aren't even fat, nobody in our family is fat besides OmaRosa. So everytime this bitch comes over I have to tell my brother to feed the dog. The fat dog. And after he feeds Pauline we need to call the exterminator to clean up her poop. Gross. And when I have seizures she laughs at me. its not funny. I only have seizures because of that shitty music she turns on so loud and when she watches the view, because I don't like seeing a bunch of stupid women and their fat but interestingly sexy friend Rosie talk about how hard women have it. We should just let them eat Paulines cake, they would be like hungry tigers during feeding time. But instead its hungry pigs. Femminists really need to get laid or fuck off i'm sorry if thats offensive but if it is why don't you try to feed my fat second cousin without losing a hand.

This one time at my friend Beverleys house (BevekleHausen AHAHAHAH) she asked me to make her a sandwich and I said you know I think you're a real jackass but she threatened to steal some pineapples from the collection in my closet so I made her a sandwich. She likes a lot of mayonase so I just used 2 whole jars and she finished eating it like a pig and I said "you know you're really one fat pig" and she tried to scratch her ass, but she couldn't reach. Then her uncle Jeb (he's a farmer) looked in the fridge and said "Hey wheres my jar of tumor pus?" uh oh. What jar of tumor pus would that be, Beverley's uncle Jeb? "The jar with the pus from my brain and stomach tumors inside, it was labelled tumor pus!" at times like this I wish I wasn't illiterate, I should have learned how to read. So I asked him if eating tumor pus could make someone constipated if he ate it and he said yes. Cool. I felt really dumb, I accidently gave my friend a sandwich with a jar of mayo and also a jar of tumor pus. But then her partially mental older brother looked in the fridge for something to eat. He looked at us and said "Hey, where'd my jar of semen go?"

Today I had a dream that I was making out with the Pilsbury Doughboy
and he liked it very rough and dirty and he said "push my stomach bitch, heeheehee" and I got really really mad because nobody who isn't one of my pimps calls me a bitch, not even a six inch tall imaginary fatso hermaphrodite so I took a rolling pin and flattened the damn german bastard and threw him in the oven for six and a half minutes. He died, but at least he wasn't baked again. (or was he?)